Temptation

It’s been a little over two weeks since I last wrote and I’m not afraid to admit that there’s been a lot of chatter going on this head of mine.  On May 11th, I ran the Sporting Life 10k, which was my second race at this distance.  It was also my first race alone since October.  To say I wasn’t nervous is a lie because I was, but not as much as I expected.  That being said, the bigger issue was trying not to put a lot of pressure on myself to beat my previous 10k time. 

I read a few articles beforehand on how athletes that work towards a physical goal versus a mental goal are a lot less likely to succeed, whereas those who set a mental goal like finishing a race upright and smiling are more likely to meet their goals or surpass them.  Don’t get me wrong, the competitor in me wanted to desperately beat my old time, but I didn’t want to overwhelm myself with that pressure.  I needed to remind myself of why I began running in the first place.  With that being said, I decided my goal would be to finish the race with a smile on my face and to remember that 5k was an unimaginable feat a little over year ago, let alone 10k.

I’m happy to say that the authors of those articles were right.  As I crossed the finish, I achieved a personal best, but why have I been feeling so miserable ever since?  Ever since running this race, I have been living with this inner turmoil and temptation to quit.  Everything seems painstakingly hard, everything seems like a chore, and everything feels like I’m going to fail.  I don’t know where it’s come from and I don’t know how to fix it. 

With a little over 3 months until my half marathon, I thought I’d be excited when I received my race swag in the mail.  I thought it would give me more focus, but as you probably guessed, it hasn’t.  It’s just made me feel like I am paddling upstream to a goal I will never reach.  I keep telling myself the things I think I should say, like, “Don’t worry, you’ll be ready in 3 months time”, but what if I’m not?  If I remain in this terrible head space for too long, I am going to end up traveling down an even more unpleasant road.  I don’t dare type the word, but it starts with a Q. 

Whenever I am like this, I try to talk it out, and I try to seek out ways to reinvigorate my passion.  Motivational quotes are pretty successful in that regard, so when I found this one, it stuck to me like glue.  I just hope the words hold true.

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Yours swiftly,

Alex

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3 thoughts on “Temptation

  1. therfpscribe says:

    I had many moments of self doubt prior to my first marathon. I overcame them by lacing up before I was fully awake and got my training in before all the negative thoughts translated into backing out. By race day, all the miles I had already covered simply needed to be justified with an attempt. So good luck! You will do this!

    • sneakerdrive says:

      Thanks for sending this. I think I know deep down that I will not fail. This is just another bump in the journey. It’s definitely comforting to know that others have felt and experienced the same thing, so thank you so much for sharing 🙂

      • therfpscribe says:

        I noticed you followed my blog parcequewhynot; I’m sorry but it’s no longer active. You can follow me on thetaoofourlartdevivre.wordpress.com though! And if you have any questions or rants about running, I’m no real expert but I do make a good cheerleader. 🙂

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