Running Scared

It’s funny that I entitled this post “running scared” because today was the first day I officially missed a run, and I feel super guilty about it.

Now for the reason. Hard to believe that after coming this far, it’s because I’m scared. At first I chalked it up to being tired, but that’s just an excuse. I’ve run feeling far more tired than I do tonight, and if I was really as tired as I thought, I wouldn’t be writing this post at 9:30 at night (I’d be in bed sleeping). Yet here I am confessing what I thought I never would – that I was scared to run 4.8km tonight.

It’s frustrating because I can hear that little voice in my head saying I’m batshit crazy for being scared. It’s the same voice that pushes me when I’m running and the same voice that pushes all the negative thoughts out of my mind in the process. So why did I bail? I still don’t really know.

It’s even more upsetting because last night I went for a run with a friend and her sister. We planned on meeting so that we could introduce her sister to the joys of running. So we focused on running in intervals and it felt really good to be coaching someone along. Not only that, but I felt really good because I could see how far along I have come. I am stronger, faster, and starting to help others learn to love something that has helped me in so many ways I can’t even begin to describe. Yet when tonight came and went, I betrayed the thing I’ve come to love because of fear, and I still don’t know why. I was hoping writing it all down would lead me to answers.

What I do know is…this is a setback. I also know that this is a perfect time for me to remind myself of one of my all time favourite quotes, “success is measured by how well we handle our setbacks.” So the way I see it, I’ve said my piece about how disappointed I am with MYSELF, but what am I going to do about it?

Tomorrow is another day, so the answer is I’m going to conquer my fear and get this run done. It’s also time to start mentally preparing for the 6.4km run I have waiting for me on Sunday morning. Let’s get this show on the road – literally.

Yours swiftly,

Alex ❀️

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